Happy first, you bloated tick on America’s bunghole, and thank you.
You have given me so much over the last 12 months.
You have revealed the disgusting weakness of the full third of my fellow citizens who voted for you and continue to support you wholeheartedly.
You have confirmed my thesis: Facebook is for stupid people; Twitter is for people too stupid for Facebook.
You have given me refuge. No matter how low I feel, I can always say, “At least I’m not Trump.”
Now go back to reality TV.